The unexpected fall

Immediately, the miniature girl (dressed in a white and red chequered dress) ran to the swing and jumped on excitedly. The swing, which had been put up by her father, was one of the best reminders of her dad when he was away ‘Borrowing’. It made a soft swooshing sound through the air, as she swung backwards and forwards and the nylon fishing wire creaked ever so often, as it cut gently into the bark of the towering broccoli tree. Suddenly, there was a snap…she fell. “How did that happen?”, the girl exclaimed as she landed on the ground with a thud – she sat up perplexed and frustrated.


Comments

The unexpected fall — 9 Comments

  1. Hi Erin,
    Love your story! Next time try to describe the setting and the scene like the broccoli tree and the saroundings.

  2. Hi Erin,
    I thought your story was great. I liked that you used lots of descriptive words. Next time maybe try to use an !

  3. Hi Erin, you used all punctuation, relative clauses and everything else. How did the swing fall? Was the swing fixed? Well done.

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