The Light

Hi I’m Olive I’m 12 years old and this Is a story of my Adventure In oakly Hallows . It all started on Sunday when I was just about to reach the top of my climb It was a grade 8 c . With my heart beating arms aching I went to clip the rope into the carabiner however I fell ! Then i  opened my eyes and saw a door in front of me I wondered what was behind the door so I went to turn the handle however It was jammed . I gave It another push and then It opened ‘ arrrhh ‘ a big flash of broke in front of her eyes…


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The Light — 2 Comments

  1. That sounds like quite a tough climb Isobel, then an even tougher adventure seems to unfold! I wonder what the scene was when Olive opened her eyes and what she thought had happened? Would she be scared? Surprised? She sounds like quite a tough cookie though. Can you have a quick re-read of your last sentence though – is there a word missing?
    Well done and keep rising to the Challenge.

  2. Hi Isobel,
    This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! This week’s prompt is a phrase which evokes a mystery, ‘I wondered what was behind the door.’ Bringing visual effect to the words, you describe a setting which follows a character in an adventure setting. By setting out the plot early in the piece, an adventure setting, you create a structure which gives the piece stability and puts the reader in the centre of the action. Using this makes the reader feel attached to the piece, and makes them more engaged. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. The theme of adventure is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as most people will have experienced the genre, either through reading books or watching films. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this too as I have always loved the genre. I have enjoyed reading it and watching it particularly – I think films of this sort are best watched in a group, relishing in all the suspense and heart wrenching thrills! By explaining clearly the atmosphere, that the character was going on an adventure in Oakly Hallows, you engage with the reader and add to the setting. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Bringing in specific information like the fact that the character’s name was Olive, demonstrates great imagination. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. Emphasis on the fact that the character was going on a climb really brings a sense of a rural setting to the piece, which fully fleshes out your point and makes it very apparent for the reader. The piece continues to develop, as the character is about to reach the top of her climb, evoking a real sense of success, before she falls. This really captures the reader and makes them wonder whether the character will be okay, and the dramatic change is very effective. The description of then seeing the door is really effective, and is a really bizarre turn to the piece, taking it to almost a mystical setting. With the character wondering what this door is and using the prompt very effectively, the reader is also gripped as to the change of pace. The ending of the huge flash of light covering the character leaves the piece on an affective cliff hanger. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of the ellipsis. Keep up the good work!

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