The Busy Day.

Slowly, I got out of bed and, ready for a very busy day.  It was a very sunny day, I had my breakfast (which was a sandwich) and got in the car to go swimming.  But my clock was out of battery!  My mum and me hurried into the swimming pool but we were to late…

Energetic, we went home, the reason why we were energetic is because we don’t really like swimming.  ” Now we have to go to get the white wedding dress.” ” I don’t want to go and get it.” I ended up staying with my grumpy, big sister Which was very annoying!


Comments

The Busy Day. — 3 Comments

  1. Dear Talia,

    This is a really nice piece of descriptive writing. You form a genuine plotline from family setting which is familiar to everyone, making the piece have a personal feel. I can relate to this as used to love family outings like that, where everyone gets together to go out swimming or for another activity. I like the way you frame how you all dislike swimming so leave quickly, and the description between you and your sister brings some great comic aspects to the piece. You demonstrate good use of grammar and punctuation, such as your use of quotation marks. Keep up the good work!

  2. Talia, It’s a shame you missed swimming, I think I would have preferred that to shopping for wedding dresses! Nice use of speech marks, but take care of your capital letters and commas…can you spot them in the wrong place when you read it back?
    well done!

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